Who and whom look like a style choice, but they’re really about grammar. One form fits the subject slot, the other fits an object slot. That’s it, no mystery—just roles.
Core Difference Between Who and Whom
The clean rule is about case. Who belongs where a subject would go, and whom belongs where an object would go. If the word is “doing the verb,” it’s who.
- Subject
- The person who performs the action of the verb; this aligns with who.
- Object
- The person who receives the action (direct/indirect) or follows a preposition; this aligns with whom.
- Object of a Preposition
- The noun/pronoun after words like to, for, with, about; formal English often favors whom here.
- Who = subject slot
- Whom = object slot
- Whose = possession
- Whoever / Whomever = same logic
Where Whom Fits in Real Sentences
Whom is the objective form, the same “slot type” as him and them. In traditional grammar, it shows up as a direct object, an indirect object, or the object of a preposition. ✅Source
Object of a Preposition
Direct Object of a Verb
Why Questions Make Who vs Whom Feel Hard
Questions flip the word order, so the role can hide. The real decision is still inside the sentence’s structure: subject vs object. A common classroom explanation checks which answer sounds right—they (subject) or them (object). ✅Source
What’s happening under the hood: in “Who is at the door?” the missing answer behaves like a subject (“They are”). In “Whom did you call?” the missing answer behaves like an object (“I called them”).
| Question | Role | Standard Form |
|---|---|---|
| ___ called you? | subject | ✅ Who |
| Did you call ___? | object | ✅ whom |
| To ___ did you speak? | object of a preposition | ✅ whom |
| Whom is coming? | subject mismatch | ❌ Who is coming? |
Relative Clauses and the Hidden Role
In relative clauses, who and whom introduce extra information about a person, and the right choice depends on the pronoun’s job inside that clause. Formal examples often keep the preposition before whom, while informal versions may move the preposition to the end. ✅Source
Pronoun Is the Subject of the Clause
✅ The manager who approved the plan arrived early. (“Who” does the approving.)
❌ The manager whom approved the plan arrived early. (The clause needs a subject.)
Pronoun Is the Object in the Clause
✅ The manager whom we thanked smiled. (“We” do the thanking.)
✅ The manager who we thanked smiled. (common in everyday English)
A common mix-up is “whom I think is…” where the writer reaches for whom just because the sentence feels formal. The deciding role is still in the smaller clause: “who is…” needs a subject, even if “I think” sits in the middle.
Whoever vs Whomever in the Same System
Whoever and whomever follow the same case logic as who/whom, and the deciding role is still inside the relevant clause. It’s common to see whomever after a preposition, but the clause role can override that expectation. ✅Source
- ✅ Whoever finishes first gets the prize. (subject of “finishes”)
- ✅ We will support whomever the committee selects. (object of “selects”)
- ❌ We will support whoever the committee selects. (formal grammar prefers the object form here)
Usage and Tone in Modern English
In everyday conversation, who often appears in places where strict rules allow whom, and that’s widely accepted in casual writing too. Whom still shows up in very formal contexts and in set phrases like “To Whom It May Concern.” ✅Source
Where You Still Commonly See Whom
- After a preposition in formal writing: for whom, to whom, with whom.
- Official letters and templates: “To Whom It May Concern.”
- Carefully edited prose where object case is kept consistent: “the author whom we invited.”
Pattern Table for Who and Whom
This table keeps the focus on function, not vibe. Each line shows a typical slot where who or whom tends to land, plus a clean example.
| Slot | Standard Choice | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Subject of a verb | ✅ Who | Who emailed you yesterday? |
| Direct object of a verb | ✅ whom | Whom did you email? |
| Object of a preposition | ✅ whom | To whom should I send the form? |
| Relative clause: pronoun is the subject | ✅ who | The colleague who joined today seems great. |
| Relative clause: pronoun is the object | ✅ whom | The colleague whom we met today seems great. |
| Hyper-formal subject error | ❌ whom | Whom is responsible for this? (standard: Who) |
FAQ
Common Questions About Who and Whom
Is “whom” disappearing?
Whom is still correct, but it’s less common in everyday speech. In modern usage, who often covers object positions in casual contexts, while whom stays strongest after prepositions.
Can “whom” start a question?
Yes—when the missing person is an object. “Whom did you call?” is standard. If the missing person is the subject, then who is the match (“Who called?”).
Is “Who did you invite?” wrong?
In formal grammar, whom is the object form, so “Whom did you invite?” is the traditional choice. In everyday English, who in that slot is very common and widely understood; the key is the object role, not the sound of the word.
Why does “to whom” feel easier than “whom” alone?
The preposition signals an object slot right away. That’s why “to whom” looks natural in formal writing, while “whom did you…” can feel more formal even though it’s still the same object-case logic.
Does “whomever” always sound formal?
Whomever often reads more formal because it’s rarer, but it’s simply the object form. If the role is an object inside the clause, whomever is the traditional match; if it’s a subject, whoever is the match.
Is it ever acceptable to say “to who”?
In careful, edited writing, “to whom” is the traditional form because the pronoun is the object of the preposition. In casual speech, many speakers use “to who” anyway; the formality difference is about register, not meaning.